Mon cœur se serre - My heart aches

Almost everyday for the past month I have started my day with my favorite morning treat, un pain du chocolat.  Today, there was pain but it was more settled in my chest and heart.  There is so much to catch up on and I am way behind blogging my adventures, but I have to just pause one more day and have a sad moment.   Today Justin left to go back to the United States.  I had mentally been preparing for him to leave since he arrived but there is just no preparing for the quantum sadness that I knew awaited me the day that I had to return him to the airport that had only one month previously brought me so much happiness.  He had to be at the airport super early so we were up by 5 a.m. and out the door by 5:30.  After we dropped him off, I took Mike to work and made my way back to the apartment.  I held everything together until I opened the door and then the flood gates opened, and I mean opened.  I sobbed for a good 40 minutes and then committed myself to a day to wallowing in my sadness.  At 10:00 I got up, made myself a Pain du Chocolat, which was yummy as always but did not stand a chance of breaking me out of my personal day of mourning.  I climbed back into bed and by noon I couldn't take the aching from laying in bed all morning.  I had read everything about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes breakup and his scary religion and I was afraid that I might turn myself to stalk other celebrities sad and troubled lives when I decided that I had to break my personal vow to bed rest and get up.  It is hard work to be sad.  I sweep the floors, mustered the energy to strip the sheets off Justin's bed (I had thought I would leave them there so I could kinda make a shrine out of the bedroom but I thought that was kinda sick and twisted) and I actually made my bed because from the pain in my back I knew I couldn't stand to spend the rest of the afternoon in bed.  I went to the Carrefour and did some retail therapy which didn't even take the edge off although I did pick up two pairs of shoes that I am sure in the future will bring me great happiness :)!  Basically, it was, to quote one of my dearest besties, a "craptastic" day.   


Oh and Dad, if you're reading this, sorry, but since this is a day of purging sadness....I will have to add that my dad told me he is starting his chemo for his leukemia in a few weeks.  He is so brave and told me he is ready to begin the treatments, but the little girl in me is scared, sad, and just wants NOT to be thousands upon thousands of miles away.  I will try and be brave tomorrow, but today is my sad day. 


Sorry, there is no silver lining to this story but I am sure that just getting my pain, not to be confused with a croissant, out into the world will help me pull out my happy pants again soon....but definitely, most definitely, not today.   I may have to go to TWO-A-DAYS on my pain du chocolat.... *sign* and the shedding of a few more tears...